Tag Archives: music


I won’t rant passive aggressively this time. I mean, not at first, anyway. What I really feel lie doing right now is sharing the music I’ve been listening to these past few weeks. Because music is the only thing that has been going good for me right now. Now before I start listing songs I should tell you that I am obsessed with every Hamilton song. Hamilton is the best and I will fight anyone who says otherwise. Still, there are a few favorites other than the musical based on the founding fathers of USA. So here they are:

  1. 505- Arctic Monkeys
  2. Kashmir- Led Zeppelin
  3. Perfect Places- Lorde
  4. Pray: Sam Smith
  5. Gemini Feed- Banks
  6. Irresistible- Fall out Boy ft. Demi Lovato
  7. Affection: Cigarettes after Sex
  8. Mr Brightside: The Killers
  9. Star Power: Sonic Youth
  10. Take me to Church: Hozier
  11. Apocalypse: Cigarettes after sex
  12. Hold me tight or don’t: Fall out Boy
  13. Trip Switch: Nothing but thieves
  14. Cold Cold Cold: Cage the Elephant
  15. 5,4,3,2,1 (Murder Song): Aurora
  16. Do I Wanna Know?: Arctic Monkeys
  17. Carry on my wayward son: Kansas
  18. Heat of the Moment: Asia
  19. Dream a little dream of me: Ella Fitzgerald
  20. Arabella: Arctic Monkeys
  21. New Rules: Dua Lipa
  22. Babe I’m gonna leave you: Led Zeppelin
  23. Set Fire to the Third Bar: Snow Patrol
  24. The Ballad of Gus and Sam: Ferraby Lionhart
  25. Can’t be happening: The Marlows
  26. Forrest Whitaker: Bad Books
  27. Back to Black: Amy Winehouse
  28. Too Late to say goodbye: Cage the Elephant
  29. Bad at Love: Halsey
  30. Why’d you only call me when you’re high: Arctic Monkeys
  31. Wonderwall: Oasis
  32. River: Eminem ft. Ed Sheeran
  33. Suck it and see: Arctic Monkeys
  34. Come a little closer: Cage the elephant
  35. If I get high: Nothing but thieves
  36. Monster: Kanye West ft. Jay-Z, Bon Iver and Nikki Minaj
  37. For You: Angus and Julia Stone
  38. Runaway: Aurora
  39. Like Home: Eminem ft. Alicia Keys
  40. Starboy: The Weeknd ft. Daft Punk

Obviously my taste in music is very weird and all over the place. But I really like all these songs, plus Hamilton :P. Oh, and also cheesy 90s Bollywood music. I am who I am, man. But I really really recommend all these songs that I’ve listed above to everyone.

Now for the rant, I actually have nothing new. Same old trivial issues that my head can’t process.  No wait, I do. It’s more of a thing I wish I had. So like three of my friends broke up with their boyfriends in the past  two weeks. I was sad about only one because that dude was legit a nice person. Anyway, not my dysfunctional relationship, not my decision. So now what I’m envious about is that two of them are already schtumping someone else. No judgement man, because again, not my body, not my place. I’m only envious in the sense like wow, how are you just so confident about everything? It takes me sixty four years to be comfortable intimately with someone because I hate my body and the way I look. So I just wish I had that kind of confidence within myself that I don’t have to think twice about what I want to do with my body.

That’s it.








I have a lot of weird friends, okay? In fact all of them are weird. There’s no such thing as a normal human being. 

Keeping that in mind, know what when I say I’ve known all kinds of people, I know what I’m talking about. They’re not all my friends, of course but they’re people I’ve known. This includes male chauvinists, feminazis, misogynists, cheaters, douchebags, racists, brats, privileged sons, overcompensated daughters, social workers, and one was even a male sex worker. 

But never have I ever met a man so closed off to other people’s opinions than the one I met yesterday. In all fairness, it wasn’t the first time I met or talked with him. We were what you call it…dating? Actually, no. Dating would imply that there were romantic feelings involved. All sorts of other feelings were involved but romantic ones were sure as hell not one of them.

He’s accomplished in academic senses. He’s about to become a CA. He’s doing his MBA from one of the best universities in India. He’s funny in a dry humour kinda way. I did notice over the last few months that he’s a bit stubborn when it comes to his opinions but I thought as long as he doesn’t offend me or anyone I care about, why should I care?

Yesterday  that sumbitch crossed all lines, and all of them one after the other. I’m not a vegetarian. He didn’t like that. He gave me all sorts of lectures about how “meat is murder” and “animals have feelings” and shit like that. Yeah sure, of course the hamster who ate all her babies has deep feelings of regret towards her actions. I told him about evolution and how the only reason we grew to be the higher species was because we hunted other animals for our supplies. It didn’t work. If it were upto him, we’d all have died before we ever became homo erectus. 

Then through the topic of hating non vegans, he just downright stated that he hates Islam. I was done, then. He knows nothing about Islam, hasn’t read the Quran, doesn’t know the reason behind their goat sacrifice, hasn’t even had a Muslim friend in his life, and he has the audacity to say that he hates Islam. According to him terrorism would be wiped out if Islam ceased to exist. 

Isn’t that the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard in your life?

I’m not a Muslim. I’m no expert on Islam, either. But you know what? I’m not stupid enough to say that I hate something without knowing anything about it. I hate something after having tried it or at least knowing as much as I can about it. In order to hate something, you first must’ve loved it. I don’t think that I need to explain to anyone here that Islam and terrorism aren’t synonymous to each other, do I? Good. 

I took it to heart because some of the best people I’ve known in my life are Muslims. They’re kind, sophisticated, and even they condemn terrorism. Saying that you hate all Muslims because of something a particular group of people does is so fucking dumb. Terrorists are people who happen to be Muslims. Nowhere does the Quran say all the things that terrorism preaches. You know what it does say? It teaches peace. It teaches equality. It condemns materialistic behaviour. If there is war, the Quran says that you cannot hurt women, children, cattle, and crops. 

It’s not just about Islam. I respect all religions and I’ll defend all of them the same way. I know sometimes what religion says doesn’t make sense, but then again, why not focus on the good things it teaches us? Why bash someone else’s faith? 

I understand that people have their opinions, and they have a right to form them as they please. Let’s take ne for example. I don’t like it when someone drinks in front of me. It makes me very uncomfortable. But still because I have friends who drink, I don’t tell them they can’t do something just because I have a problem with it. They don’t force me to drink. They don’t get trashed and create a scene. Everyone goes home happy. 

You can choose to be a vegetarian. You can choose to eat meat. You’re free to do whatever you want. What you’re not allowed to do is force your believes on anyone else. Making someone see your side is different than dragging them to your side by the hair. Don’t do the latter. Be a dope human and just…don’t.

And as far that dude is concerned, he plays the fucking violin. What does he think violin strings are made out of? Fairy hair? His shaving gel, the lotion, the shampoo, the whatever it is that comes under mens’ cosmetics… They’re all tested on animals. Talk about double standards. Needless to say, that particular peice of communal shit isn’t a part of my life anymore.


Unavoidable Defect

I know I’m not the most social person on this Earth. I don’t know how to make conversations. I don’t know how to express myself apart from writing. Actually talking to people orally scares me. Yes, it frightens the living daylights out of me.

I stammer a lot more than I used to think a year ago. I don’t know if I do that under pressure, or I’m excited or god knows when. I just stammer, and it’s getting way, way out of control.

I’ve always been teased about it, especially in middle school, the part of my schooling I’d like to erase from my memory. More often than not, I laugh with them as well. Because I know that they don’t actually mean those stinging words. Teasing me about my stammering, I can handle. But when people started making fun of me for it, and meaning each and every word, it hurt.

It’s stupid, isn’t it? I don’t care what anybody says or thinks. I’m in my own bubble of books, music, and in the company of selected friends. Baaki sab jaye ghaans charne (Everything else can go to the deepest pit of hell.) Then why is this bothering me now? Nothing else about me bother me. I’m fat, I’m lazy, I’m an average student, I’m not good at any one particular thing. None of these things bothers me, but my stammering does. I don’t know why, it makes me feel like I’m such a…loser. It’s like, come on! Can’t you speak one sentence without stammering at least twice? It takes repeating attempts to speak a simple word as “Please”, at times. 

It doesn’t happen when I’m talking to myself (Yeah, I do that), or when I’m speaking in front of a crowd (Have hosted school events to know that public doesn’t scare me) or when…no, I’m done. Those two are the only situations when I’m able to speak without irritating everyone, including myself. I stammer while talking to my friends, my family…everyone. It’s not like any one person scares me. It’s the idea of making a conversation, and then ending up making a fool out of myself that scares me. So, I avoid speaking at all, as much as I can. I read, I write and I avoid actually speaking. Because after being made fun of, I don’t think I want to relive those moments, ever.

Seriously, is every defect known to man somehow stuffed into me?