Monthly Archives: January 2016


“Are you suicidal?” The bored shrink asked.
“Not actively.”
“It means that I don’t have the courage to actually take a blade and slit my wrists inside out, but if a bus was to hit me on a road, I’d probably not move.”


Awkward: pt 2

I think it’s time that you give up on the hope that I’ll ever write something with a good title. Okay just stop expecting that out of me.
The past week has been… Well,awkward of course. Just because I’m bad at titles doesn’t mean I completely tc go in the other direction.
I got into some trouble at my second job and almost got fired by my senior, who is kind of a dick and has absolutely no authority to fire me. Then before that a package that was deeply awaited by me had arrived, but unfortunately I wasn’t home at that time so it was received by my father and let’s just say he must’ve gravely regretted opening it. Then I was talking to my only friend from college, and because I was alone at that time I had on speaker. To be honest, I should’ve known that it was a mistake. She’s not the kind of person you put on speaker. Ever. So the following conversation took place one morning at 5 because I was getting ready for work and she’s a weirdo who wakes up at that time without any reason.
(It took place in Hindi and was actually a lot worse than I’ve portrayed it)
Navjot: And then I got on top and Joza was like completely screaming like a girl because he can’t do it like I can even in his dreams.
Me: *Laughing like a seagull*
Navjot: And then he wanted me to bend over. I mean I’m all up for it but it’s like he thinks his is he is big enough to do that. After trying a lot I told him,”Baby, I don’t think you’ll be able to do this.”
Me: *Literally falls over the bed laughing.* Why would you say that to him?
Navjot: He was embarrassing himself trying to hit it as if he actually could I mean it was getting kinda boring just having him smacking against me.
At that very moment I heard my sister cough some water right outside my door. That was when I realised that she’d been awake this whole time. She looked at me with sheer horror, all while Navjot was still describing her acts in explicit details. I didn’t know whether to laugh or to be horrified or what.
Me: Navjot, shut up. Iraa is awake.
Navjot: Well, good. Now she knows what all can be done when you have limited resources and no coconut oil.
*Hangs up*
Sister: You didn’t go to office yet?
Me: My cab is about to come. Why are you awake so early?
Sister: Studying. My boards are coming up. By the way, do I want to know why she needed to degrade her boyfriend like that?
Me: Probably not.
Now, trust me. This wasn’t the most awkward thing to happen all week. This was just embarrassing. Now the awkward thing happened yesterday.
I was in my room with detanner all over my hands and legs. Now that stuff burns, okay? It works but it really really burns in the process. Now my dad knocked on my door.
Dad: What are you doing?
Me: Stuff. What do yo want?
Dad: Do you have change for a thousand?
Me: Yeah, wait a minute.
I opened the door and hopped on the bed again. The detanner was really starting to sting now.
Me: It’s in my black and white purse.
Now that was I stood still. I shouldn’t have done that. I really just shouldn’t have done that. I froze in my place as my dad looked into my purse. He pulled something else out and stared at me. No, it wasn’t some girl thing that he’d gotten hold of. He just stared at me.
Now I had perfect excuse for why I had them. They weren’t mine. They weren’t being used by me. They just happened to be there with me because I was holding onto them for a friend.
My father cleared his throat, pulled a cigarette out of the pack, took the lighter with him and just walked out of the room.
I know, right?


Tears pooled in my eyes and my heart fell to my feet. I didn’t know how to do this. I didn’t know how I’d cope with this loss.
“This doesn’t mean I don’t love you anymore. I always have and I always will.” I whispered through my choked voice. “I’m sorry. I love you.”
There. I’d done it.
I’d said goodbye to Nutella.


I’m just so great with subtle titles, aren’t I? 😛
I’m sure almost all of us have had one of those “awkward” conversations with our parents. Nah, I’m not talking about “the talk”.
I’m talking about the moment when something your parent(s) says that just gives birth to totally and epically awkward silence. I had that moment a few days ago. Yup, I remember. It was on Sunday evening.
My mother has come back home to take care of my grandma because she….well, that’s another story. It was great having her back home. I hadn’t seen her in weeks. Ever since I got my mother an iPhone, all she does is text me, and when she discovered Siri, her texts were something like this.

Mother: Text Nidhi to call me whenever she’s free.

What I didn’t miss about my mother coming back were the arguments she and my father always have. Always. All the bloody time. I’ve reached a point where it’s all white noise to me. Unless I hear my name somewhere I don’t stick around in thw house to hear it. But if it’s something regarding me, all hell breaks loose. But again, that’s another story.
So on Sunday, I getting ready to sleep. It was late, around 9:30 😛 (I’m on another time zone) I heard those two fighting again. This was about medical bills or insurance, I’m not really sure. My mother came into my room, half crying. She l takes my ice cream and helps herself. Then the following conversation took place. ( I’ve modified it a little, so that is coherent and doesn’t involve my mom using words I don’t know the meaning of)

Mother : Nidhi, study. Study a lot this time and get out of here.

Me: I’m doing what I can, mom. (Lies.)

*Two spoons ice cream later*
Mother: Become a model. I’ll pay for your rhinoplasty.

Still, this wasn’t outrageous because I’m tall, right? I’m tall and I don’t look all that bad. When I want to, I slay.

Me: If that’s the case, then you’ll also have to pay for reductions of my curves. (I did not use the word ‘curves’)

Mother: Shut up. Kuch bhi bolti hai.

*Then her eyes wandered around to my poster covered walls and then to my dressing table which was covered with boxes. I knew I was in trouble then. She picked one up, looked at the price and it was like she got a mini heart attack.

Mother: Nidhi are you kidding me where did all this money come from have I taught you nothing this is outrageous how could you spend that much on a bra?!

* Trust me. This isn’t even the awkward part. This was still normal, right? Mother-daughter talk.

Me: What do you think I do 17 hours a day? I’m not working for free! Bro, chill.

Mother: What’s the pint? Who’s gonna see it? (Kisko dikhani hai?)

* Yes, a little awkward. My family already really doesn’t trust me in that department. I think she genuinely wanted to ask who I’m sleeping with. I don’t even have the time to sleep by myself sometimes, how could you think anyone else is involved?!

Me: No one! What’s wrong with you?! Dude seriously, chill. I have to sleep after this episode of Suits.

Mother: stop watching these things. Study instead. You don’t want to remain in this college forever, do you? Then stop doing all this and study. May isn’t that far.

Me: Got it, mother. Don’t worry about it. Third time’s a charm.

Mother: You know what? If you find someone worthy, run off with him.

*awkward silence *
I don’t need to remind anyone how entirely anti-marriage is my mother. She hates this stuff. She and I have an agreement which involves me being in total and utter control of that department, as long as I make something of myself. Otherwise, she’ll marry me off god knows where.

But I swear when she said that I should run off with someone, I choked on my own breath. I stared at her for legit fifteen minutes. I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t tell her she’s out of her Damn mind because I didn’t wanna be slapped. I couldn’t tell her anything. I was just staring at her hoping that I’d misheard something.

Mother :Go to sleep now. Switch the wifi and the laptop off.

My mother left me staring at her, also she took my ice cream.
I still get nightmares about what she said.  Like Bro, I get it. You want me to get out of this place. You want good things for me. You’re my mother, you’re sort of awesome sometimes but are you freakin mad that you want me to run away with someone? Who the fuck am I supposed to run away with? How? Where? You lived in the 80s and 90s, people were pro at running away back then. Most of all, do I look like someone who will do that?
We haven’t talked about it ever since, and I’m glad. Because I really think being in her 40s has messed her mind up.


Okay, so I installed the Whisper App a few months back. You see, I feed on information and it doesn’t matter who I’m getting it through or how. I like knowing things. And this App was an awesome way to do that. And the anonymity of the users keeps you on the edge.
I hardly ever post, in fact I’ve posted there only 4 times and even those were in the moment things,the most recent one today evening.
Anyway, so this app was fun for me. I got to read a lot of funny things  a lot of tragedies, a lot of celebrations and a hell lot of creepy whispers.
I don’t have a very good social life. I hang out with like three people IF and WHEN I get the time, because you see, I choose to be a (almost)  nineteen year old who earns in 5 figures (And then spend it on Sephora, Mac and Absolute) I work more hours in a day than my parents combined. Granted, I don’t go to college as regularly as I should but to be honest that place is a joke. So you see, I make up for having no real social life by reading posts on Whisper and Instagram. These are the only two Apps that I actually use in my phone.
Anyway, getting back at the Whisper App, the following are the most funny Whispers I found today while I should have been was working. (Yes I took screenshots, and you can’t judge me)





If you’re laughing, welcome and if you’re not then whatever 😛
Like I mentioned above, one of my 4 Whispers were sent out today. It was just a horrible, horrible feeling and I really had to get it out. ( But since I’ve managed to fuck up all my human relations my only choice was to Whisper it).  I guess about 10 minutes later, I got a private message on Whisper’s chat section. Now, I avoid that thing completely. I hardly ever reply to anyone and mainly those replies consists of me trying to explain my username to them. Because it’s awesome and totally un-understood by people who aren’t… well, him.
When I opened that message I didn’t quite catch the username. When I did, I face-palmed so bad. Like so so so bad. Against my better judgement, I decided to have the following conversation.

Above this is the Whisper that I sent out. Sad, I know right?


Did you see that username??!! I mean, seriously? Dafaq.
I’ve seen creepy. I’ve handled creepy everywhere. But one thing that really pissed me off was the fact that…people are looking for a way to hook up everywhere. If I were one of the people who developed this app, I’d grief about the fact that people are using this app to find people to date or hook up with. This isn’t the place. Instagram isn’t the place. In fact, to be creepy like this, there isn’t a place. There’s a difference between being single and being available. That difference is huge. I am not available. I will never be available. But just because I’m single doesn’t mean that you can ask me to sleep with you for a pair of Givenchy heels. If I want those, I’m well capable of buying them myself. I don’t need to sleep with anyone in order to get those. I don’t need to degrade myself in any way to get a materialised life. If I want it, I can get it myself. It would’ve been a whole different story if I wanted to date people for their money. I’d be typing this post out of a hell lot of more expensive device than the one I’m currently using. Hell, my selfies would turn out better if that’s all that I wanted in my life.
You can call me a lot of things but being a gold digger isn’t one of them. Do I like money? Yes. But do I like anybody else’s money? Nuh uh. I’m not a trophy girlfriend, I’m not someone’s arm candy, and I’m definitely not someone you can buy with a pair of heels. I like the money that I make. The money that I’ve earned. Because then when I spend it, on myself or others, that gives me satisfaction.
I just want to end this rant by saying that this creepiness needs to stop. Everyone, be it guys or girls, need to stop laying crap like this online. I’m tired of it, and I’m sure other people are too.