Monthly Archives: July 2014

State of mind

I was reading my previous posts. I’m really embarrassed by some of them but I don’t remove them because that’s the person I was when I wrote them.
I don’t miss that person, but I don’t want to forget her either.
I’ve noticed on thing… And it’s that happiness, it’s not a place. You don’t have to go anywhere to be happy. You don’t have to wait for it to come.
It’s just something you are… When were content with our surroundings.
One moment were happy and the other we’re pissed. One day we’re half in love with that person and two days later…we can’t even stand them. That’s just our mind.
Happiness is nothing but a trick our mind plays on us, just like sadness and grief and whatever.
I was happy two days back, and today I wasn’t. It’s going to happen again. One day I’ll be crying buckets and the next I’ll laugh like a freaking bear.
Life’s a mess one day and within a few hours we have hope. We’re lonely one day and surrounded by love the other.
Let’s talk about that really amazing guy who’s an asshole…I couldn’t get enough of talking to him few days ago…and then I was like “do you ever just not talk??!”
He’s really started to piss me off… I couldn’t even imagine another hour of his self praise and telling me what I can’t and can’t do… Just shut the fuck up, already!
Then again…the cycle rotated and today I’m backing him up again.
The point is that we can’t be a single person all the time. We can’t expect people to react the same either. I mean if he makes me wanna pull my hair out at times, then damn it, he must have the same reaction to me at times.
That’s just how it is. But we cope up with each other because we know that we have only a few people who actually understand us,and neither of us wants to reduce the number by one.
You guys, I really wanted to post our pics making funny faces when we went to McD … But the plan got delayed and now we’ll go out again on Saturday so…hopefully I’ll look.presentable in them.
So…for now, stay happy πŸ™‚

:-)

Okay, so.now that I’ve taken a year off, my former teacher says that I should use this year to rejuvenate myself, and be happy in what I’m doing.
So I took her advice and deeply considered what around me made me happy, and what gave me nothing but guilt, irritation, and trouble. Whatever.
So, I used to be this really irritable introvert who couldn’t stand more than four people in a room. That was… A year ago.
Now?
I have more friends than I would’ve felt comfortable with. I’m more direct than I’ve ever been. I say whatever comes into my mouth. I’ve become this really shameless, witty, and load free person ever.
I freaking love this person πŸ˜›
I mean… All my life I’ve been holed up in my ivory tower. Now I have this whole new set of world. I have a second chance after school.
People I used to know have scattered all around the world… One in USA, one UK, one in Netherlands and a few in metropolitan cities of India.
I do miss them at times, a lot.. But then I realized that the people in my life right now… They’re just bloody fantastic.
We’re the biggest time passers ever πŸ˜› We don’t need any topic to talk on… We have our group on whatsapp and if someone else read what we talk… They’d be dead on spot. We talk utter nonsense. There’s no meaning to what we talk about.
All in all, life is amazing right now.
I can crush shamelessly on not one, but two guys at once πŸ˜‰
But the major change I’ve felt in myself is that I do care. I never did before, but I do now. I care about all my friends. It really shocks me at times when I realize how much I do care. Because I’ve cared before,and it hadn’t really worked out well.
But that doesn’t mean that history will repeat itself and all that Crap.
Yeah, I care. That’s what humans do, isn’t it? We care. We’re hardwired to crave company and that’s okay.
Whatever, I talk bullshit at times. πŸ˜›
But.. I really like my life right now. It’s never been better. πŸ™‚

Midnight.

I know the title is like…deep and stuff but the post isn’t. The thing is that it’s midnight and I’m writing this post. I have been on a unique kind of high all day. It’s just that…this has been the most incredible day ever. I’m in love with this day.
For one, I found the poems I wrote a few months back and I realized that I’m good. Not being cocky….just saying. I actually said that myself… Niddhi, you’re good at this.
After praising myself I realized that how amazingly I could write a poem about being in love…without actually being in love.
Second, I went back to school, and in all of my years I hadn’t once felt nearly as important as I did today. I mean, I lit the lamp….how bloody cool is that?! I was in shock at first because I thought everyone was called, but I had my name on that special list…and goddammit it, I felt happier than I’d ever before. All that worry about wasting a year went away when the ex principal of my school…who interviewed me when I was 6 remembered me. She actually remembered me! No one had ever done that before. She said “oh my god,Β  Niddhi,Β  you’ve grown up so fast. I’m so proud of you” and bloody hell, I broke down in front of her. I was over the moon when she talked to me privately and told me that don’t worry about the people who got things on a platter,Β  because they never make a better person than those who work hard.
Thirdly, tonight when I was texting, I found out that I’m in demand πŸ˜›
Apparently, now that school’s over forever,Β  everyone thinks this is time to finally be in a relationship. And since I’m one of the endangered species of single girls, everyone is grabbing what they can get, and wow, now I realize how wrong that sounds, sorry. πŸ˜›
You know what I mean, right?Β  Like everyone is so scared of being alone that they’re settling for less. I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to be with a guy who can’t spell mordor, who can’t understand harry Potter, LOTR, supernatural and sherlock references. I know it sounds shallow, but that’s just how it is. Sorry :-/
Whatever,Β  so today has been literally the beat day of my life and it just feels so fantastic that I don’t.mind using the word fantastic πŸ˜›
Anyways, I’m going to drop any second now, so better publish this thing πŸ˜€

Not what you think, promise.

Soo…a few months back, I came across this guy. He was (yes, he was)Bhavini’s friend. I’d heard a lot about him, but we never came across each other until a few months back.
The first time we talked, I called him an arrogant self obsessed idiot.
Bhavini had told me that he was a little bit over the edge and loved to turn everything into a competition. I just thought she was exaggerating. Little did I know how right she was.
I’ve met my share of sore loosers, but this guy was on a whole new level.
But when I came to know the reason behind why he was the way he was…I felt so small.
I apologized to him, which is not something I do often because I’m hardly ever wrong. Not being cocky, merely stating facts.
Again, back to this guy, he said to me that if you feek sorry for me and that’s why you apologized, then please leave. If you really mean that you’re sorry, only then can we act civilized around each other.
I told him that he was an ass to me, but I wasn’t exactly polite, either. So we decided that we’d just start fresh.
And we did.
I’d never been so right and so wrong about one person at once.
He was an arrogant asshole, but he had the right to be one. He is one of those people who are utterly genius, but somehow lack the grace to not call themselves a genius. He’s a genius and he knows that.
Anyways, because the project I’d been working on for the last two years, it’s only a few weeks away from being completed. When I told him this, he gave some of the best ideas I’d ever heard about promotions. He was like the male Olivia Pope. He blew my mind away by his ideas, and I had to praise him, even if it meant catering to his already monstrous ego.
He impressed me enough with his ideas to officially hire him for promotions.
He is by far the most arrogant, self obsessed, brilliant, strategic, and hottest guy I’ve ever come across. Not to mention the best jaw ever πŸ˜‰
The worst part is, he knows all this. He knows that he is extraordinary, and doesn’t leave a chance to show it to others.
The reason I’m saying all this isn’t because everytime I receive his texts my toes curl in the best way possible (just kidding :-P)
It’s because I was ignorant enough to think that I’d met all kinds of people. Bad, good, ambitious, lame, sticky, boring, exciting… I’ve now learnt that you haven’t met all kinds of people unless you’ve met one who is all of them at once.
Maybe that’s just me.