Panic, you say?

A lot of things have happened over the last couple of days. I’ve given three college entrance tests and have no hope of getting into any one of them. You see, I appeared for CLAT (Common Law Aptitude Test), SET (Symbiosis Entrance Test), Christ University Entrance Exam, and my next one IIM-IPM is due on 15th May, and the University of my city, DAVV’s (Devi Ahilya Vishwa Vidhyalaya) CET (Common Entrance Test) is due on 29th.

I’ve been grinded by classes, then baked in this Malva Heat and roasted by the pressure at home. And trust me when I say this, these things aren’t even the reason why I’m mad.

I’m mad because everyone around me seems to think this is the end. That if they don’t get a good college, their life will collapse. They think their whole life depends on these exams. You can’t even explain to them why it’s not the end of the world. They charge on you and you can’t win against a class full of  IIM aspirants who have appeared for IIT and didn’t get in. You don’t want to get into a fight with wannabe IITians. They play dirty, and you’ll lose.

What they don’t get is that if they get into a good college, their life will, no doubt, improve. But if they don’t get in, it’s not going to deteriorate. They will return to their normal selves and settle with what they get, just like they always have been.

17 or 18 is not the age that decide the next seventy years of your life. Right now, I can bet everything I have (which is next to nothing but please, concentrate on my feels here) that 90% of those kids have no idea what they want with life. Right now, IIM and Law Schools seems very exotic and the yearly packages are what most of them are after.

Fine, then let’s look at it form their perspective. I’m not so keen on getting into the corporate world for the following reasons.

Suppose, I get into IIM this year. I get out after five years with an MBA diploma, that gets me an average package of 1,900,000 INR per year. (This is the approximate value, last years’s highest package was as high as 4,500,000 INR). A leading corporate firm hires me, and the next thing I know, I’m working 80-100 hours in a week. I’ve sold my passion, the thing that helped me survive, in exchange for something as cheap as money. Eventually, after 10-20 years, I’ll get sick of it. I’ll have money, no doubt. And yes, It’s easier to cry in an Audi than to cry on a scooter. But I’ll be crying, irrespective of what I’m crying on. My dream to travel places will have brunt to ashes because I can’t get the time. I won’t have time for thinking, let alone writing.

How is it any different than selling your soul due to greed? But then again, this is what I think.

A lot of my classmates ask me why I’m not panicking that the exams are only a few days away. I don’t have an answer to that. I just don’t panic. I don’t think exams are something to panic about. Yes, I was worried about my Boards, but after the first exam, I knew where I stood and it really wasn’t any different than giving any other exam.

And moreover, I don’t have that urge to get into IIM or any other fancy college. Honestly, the only reason I’m giving these exams is to provide satisfaction to my parents that I did try. If I get in, well and good. If I don’t, then we’ll see.

That’s my answer to everything. We’ll see.

I don’t panic, it’s kind of my thing. Sometimes, I even laugh when I’m in crisis or standing in front of the Vice Principle’s cabin. Of course if I was told to do something on gunpoint, then yes, of course I’d panic. I’m not a freaking saint. I’ll panic the hell out of myself, when the situation is worth giving myself that mini hearth attack.

Right now, I just don’t think that giving myself a panic attack is worth it. I mean, yeah, getting into a good college certainly will change my life, and help me a lot, but I just don’t get the point. I don’t want to work in big fancy corporate companies. 

Anyways, it’s okay not to get into big colleges. It’s okay to fail in those entrance tests. I mean, seriously, It’s so bloody okay.

It’s not the end of the world.

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4 thoughts on “Panic, you say?

  1. I wish I had this conviction when I was your age. I didn’t know what I wanted ( As a matter of fact I still don’t). But you seem to be clear headed and strong. I sincerely wish that you find your passion and follow it. I know you will. 🙂

    1. Well, I know more of what I don’t want than what I do want. So, that really clears things up for me.
      Yes, I will follow my passion once I find it for certain. Thanks 🙂

  2. CLAT is law waala test? Friend’s ex-gf’s baby sister appeared for that- isiliye have some idea about that 😀 Rishta hi aisa tha. But I don’t see a choice in your options. IIPM and CLAT ? Samajh nai aaya. I know DAVV because my favourite cousin brother was in their first batch of MCA back in 90s. Earning and doing very well now- so that is a good option.

    India is a developing, newly-middle-income country. Yaha par people have to ensure livelihood first before talking about things like literature or poetry. So, don’t be demoralized if people don’t understand you very well. Vision is an attribute of individual and you and only you can see it through…which, I am sure you will.

    Don’t lose time in being low though.

  3. Nah, not low at all.
    See, the thing is that people expect us to make major decisions about our life when we’re merely eighteen years old. Things rarely go as planned, so I plan, but I odn’t expect everything to go according to that plan. I’m a go-with-the-flow kind of person. I don’t worry much.
    And yes, DAVV is my last resort. I know it’s a good university, but the problem is ghar ke piche hi hai, aur ghar se nikalna primary motive tha 😛
    Anyways, let’s see.

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