To all my former ‘Friends’…

We had some great times together. We made memories that can’t ever be matched or even touched by others. We broke rules, bunked classes, got scolded, sat in front of the Vice Principal’s cabin almost every week, and still managed to keep our grades good. I’d known all of you for a very big part of my life and you made me feel needed. Some of you left, others ignored me, and one ratted me out. So I found someone else as a friend. The hole that you 7 people punched in me could never be filled. I cared again and again, even after telling myself that all you’d ever given me was pain and made me feel rejected.

I blame you for my loneliness. I blame you whenever I see our pictures and tears escape my eyes. I blame it on you guys whenever I have to sit alone in school functions or the morning assembly. I blame you because I’ve learnt not to blame myself on everything.

You might think that I’ve made new friends. No, I haven’t. They’re merely three people who help me get through the day, one at a time. Apart from my best friend, none of them are my real friends. They know nothing about me or what kind of a person I am. But when I think of it, neither did you all. You had no idea what I liked, what I disliked, what my dreams are, what my life outside school was. I knew all of that about you. I had a communication problem that none of you seemed to notice.

Today, I learnt what kind of people you’ve become. Today, I learnt what kind of things you’ve said about me, and the people I care about. Today, I think I’m finally over your friendship. 

Yes, I’ll smile at you all everyday. Of course I’ll always wish you happy birthdays, but the friendship we used to share ends today. Tears dwell in my eyes as I type this, because its not easy for me to let you all go. I can’t even imagine how I would’ve survived those two years without you guys. I have decided that I need to stay clear of you guys. Not because I’m worried that you’ll get me trouble with the teachers, but because you’ve changed as persons. I’ll probably just cry my heart out before going to sleep or cry in the bathroom while taking a shower so no one can hear my sobs. Then tomorrow, I’ll smile at you as if tonight never happened. I’ll still help you with your project, I’ll still cover for you if you ask me to, I’ll be there for you when you need me, and I’ll be there when you succeed in life. 

We’ll never be what we used to be, the eight of us. You’ve changed, I’ve grown up even more. I’ve earnt more from you. I’ve learnt that its never easy to shut someone out. I’ve learnt that its better to shut everyone out, so that I can protect myself from going through you all again.Image

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2 thoughts on “To all my former ‘Friends’…

  1. I did not have had this problem in school. But post-college, I did feel this for quite some time. I was angry and, irritated to say the least.

    You are young and will go on to meet new people. Better people. People who value who you truly are. They won’t be many, but then thats ok right? You must believe. At least, that is what I have come to realise.

    Don’t be so harsh on yourself.
    Picture reminds me of the friends I had as well…nostalgic. Thank you.

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